Yesterday Oct 15th I asked god to please, please help me place my life in his hands. I have learned through AA that gods plan for me is better than anything that I have planned for myself. I asked for peace. I have been very upset regarding the cancer, the treatment, and the probable side effects of the treatment. My mind would not give me a moments peace. It was constantly racing from one morbid thought to another. I was even at some times wondering who would come to my funeral. I was visualizing the agony of the sore throat from the radiation and the stomach tube. I was overwhelmed by it all. It is a disease somewhat like alcohol in that it affects all of those around you also. My wife has been having hot flashes again which have not been present for a long while. My daughters are worried as hell. Anyway, I got some news that for some reason I hadn’t heard before when talking to the oncologist’s nurse yesterday. She told me that my cancer was a stage one. I was so happy I almost cried. A little bit of good news goes a very long way right now! A peace came over me in the late hours of the afternoon. It felt absolutely spectacular! I certainly believe that it was an answer to a fervent prayer. I asked god again this morning for his peace and once again for his help in trusting him with my life no matter what the outcome. Unfortunately I later found out that I actually have a stage 3 which means that it is in more than one area. I felt like hell after thinking that I was a stage one and then finding out otherwise.
Today we go to a clinic in Richmond to get a second opinion. I expect it to be the same. Tomorrow I have another CAT scan, and a fitting for the mask that I will wear during treatment. Thursday I meet with the chemo doctor. If all goes well, the treatments will start at the end of the month and will run until approx. Dec 12th.