It's not our world anymore

IT’S NOT OUR WORLD ANYMORE

I had a thought suddenly materialize the other day which is unusual because I try not to have any thoughts. They keep me awake. I suddenly realized that it’s not our world anymore. I am referring to folks of my own age; People somewhere in their late sixties or older. Not all of us but certainly a sizeable portion of our population suffer from the condition that I am about to describe. I am speaking for myself when I say this but the world baffles me sometimes. I am stymied by my cell phone. I stand about a fifty fifty chance of learning all of its functions in a year or two and then it will be time for a new phone and the process will begin again.
I don’t even try to figure out what all those colored terminals on the back of my TV are for. I’m sure that using them would simplify the process required to watch a movie on my DVD player, but I find it easy to simply disconnect the cable that runs from my TV to my satellite box and reconnect it to the DVD player each time that I want to watch a movie. My daughter can jump on these things and make them work for her. Most younger people can. They were born in the computer age. They don’t remember life without cable let alone without TV.
The remote for the satellite box is another example. “Wow!” I said when the cable guy handed me the remote for the first time. “It sure has a lot of colored buttons doesn’t it?” We have had satellite TV for two years now and I just discovered the other day that if I push the red button while watching the weather channel I can instantly get the weather report for my area. I have no idea what the other colored buttons do. They intimidate me. But as long as I know how to surf the channels I am okay .
Then there’s my computer. What a vast waste land it is! I know that it is filled with all kinds of programs just sitting there wasting away. I know how to use some of Microsoft Word and I know how to use email and surf the internet, but that’s about it.
I have a digital wrist watch that has been laying in my dresser drawer for about six months. I can’t figure out how to change the time to daylight savings. Someone in China wrote the instructions. I found that the Chinese
don’t think like I do. I wore the watch for a while believing that I would remember the time difference but I found that my memory isn’t quite as good as it used to be either. I was either arriving early or late for my appointments with one of the many doctors that I support. My daughter could quickly fix this also, but I am too embarrassed to tell her that I can’t set my own watch. My dress watch has one function. It tells me the time. If the time is wrong I pull out the stem and make the time right. No problem! That’s the way god intended for watches to work!
And what is Face book for heavens sake? Is it a photo album? Why don’t they simply call it a photo album. The term Face Book sounds primitive. “Ugh! Me have picture in face book Grog!”
What is this Twitter stuff that I hear people talking about? It must involve birds. They are the only creatures that I know of that twitter. Supposedly everyone is twittering. I listen for it all the time but never hear anyone twittering. The term twittering sounds effeminate to me. “ So! Like me and Brucey were twittering when Paulie walked in! I was like so embarrassed!”
Texting baffles me also. My grandkids have worn out three sets of thumbs. They are always punching buttons on their cell phones with them. Their foreheads are permanently bruised. They walk into things while texting. Texting is that important to them. I have read some of their messages too. What language are they using? My granddaughter laughed at me when I asked her what LOL meant. She looked at me like I was dumber than a box of rocks. For all I know LOL could mean leaning on Larry!
Maybe I am simply getting lazy in my old age. Maybe my learner is shot. I would rather sit on my deck and listen to the birds and drool on my shirt then to try and keep up with this stuff. That is what old age is all about; sitting quietly, not bothering anybody, and drooling.

Tom Neiger