Chriistmas 2007 in Michigan

My wife Pat and I traveled to Michigan over the Christmas holidays to spend time with our families. We do this at the same time that all of the sane people from Michigan are traveling south to warmer climates. “Were going to Michigan.” We tell our southern friends. “Why?” They ask. “Did somebody die?” They seem to think that this would be the only sensible reason to leave Virginia in December and head to Michigan.
We usually attend the 6:P.M. church service on Christmas Eve with my step son’s family, but this year my daughter-in-law decided that the midnight service would be nice. She was wrong! The service started at midnight and the loquacious preacher was so full of the spirit that he went on well past 1:20. He finally got the message when a few hymnals flew through the air and landed at his feet. I believe that it was the only time that I ever heard a preacher being boo’d. A good preacher keeps it short on Christmas Eve. I hadn’t been able to hear him anyway as three old guys sitting in the pew in front of me were having a snoring contest. It would have been hard to pick a winner. They were all very good! Every once and a while one of them would snort as a wife’s bony elbow hit their rib cage.
My poor step son had enjoyed several glasses of egg nog before the service and I had a great time watching him develop a very nice hang over as the preacher drolled on and on. He would wince every time the preacher raised his voice. Watching his hangover develop kept me amused for a while.
I informed everyone on the ride from church that this would be my last midnight service! It is much to late to stay up for someone from Mathews where midnight is celebrated at 8:30 P.M. We finally got in bed around 2:30 and were awakened at 6:00 by the patter of little feet. It felt like they were running through my sleep deprived head. They were heading from bedrooms to the Christmas tree where Santa had obviously dumped half of his sleigh. “Coffee!” I yelled. "Please! Where is the coffee?”
We had a great Christmas morning spent with grandkids who seem to have three packages open before the wrapping paper from the first present has even reached the floor. Sometimes I think you could ask the kids what they got from Santa and they wouldn’t even begin to name half of the stuff. Oh well. It’s about helping the poor retailers you know..Before Christmas the tv news casters are watching the retail sales the way a rich man watches the ticker tape. They report every night. “Retailers are reporting a well below normal year. Could this mean a recession is immenant?”
It is our duty to spend, spend, spend. Don’t let the government find out that you have a credit card that hasn’t been maxed out! It’s unpatriotic! Don't be the one responsible for bringing the economy down.
I was watching The Today Show this morning and a financial expert was telling everyone how to get out of debt. This happens every year shortly after Christmas. Hmmm! I wonder why.

gas pump settings

My wife and I just returned to southern Virginia after spending ten ice cold December days in Michigan. We obviously had to fuel up several times along the way. Because of the cold I became acutely aware of what would be considered a minor problem in Virginia, and that is this: Most gas stations want you to prepay when paying with cash, and I understand why, but why do they set the pump slow down settings so far below what you have paid for. For example; Say I purchase thirty dollars worth of gas. The attendent sets the pump to stop at thirty dollars, but the pump starts slowing down around twenty nine dollars and sixty five cents. I stand there freezing my balls off while the pump slowly clicks away the remaining thirty five cents worth of gas. Surely they can set the slow down settings somewhere near the stopping price, say twenty nine ninety! Are they hoping that the customer will get pissed and just stop pumping therefore giving the station owner a few extra cents? Or do they get their jollies looking out of the window watching the customers pull their heads down inside their jackets like a bunch of turtles pulling their heads into their shells, while the pump very slowly moves toward the stopping point? "Lookit that dumb sumbitch Earl! He's a freezin' his gonads! Them Virginny boys is dummer n a box o rocks! hee hee!"Several times during our trip, I stood watching the pump slowly move forward and thought to myself that pumping the remaining gas all over the pump and lighting it on fire would certainly help keep the rest of the frozen customers warm!! hee hee!