Sunday, November 30, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

It’s a gloomy, rainy, Sunday morning here. I Was planning on going to church this morning but I think that I will pass. There is no doubt that I feel somewhat better. I just don’t want to take a chance. The last three days are a blur. I am told that when I am through treatment and look back that it will all have been no more than a blip on the radar. I can’t see that yet with nineteen more radiation treatments and one more bout with the chemo geni.
I divided my sleep time, last night, between my bed and my recliner. I sleep better sitting more upright so that I can breathe through my nose which stops my mouth from drying out so quickly. The water bottle is ever present.
Breakfast this morning was three scrambled eggs with ground up ham and then a big handful of cheese. This was all cooked then dumped into the all consuming blender. Fortified milk was added and I drank it down with only one near gag! I chased this with a bottle of Boost which gave me an additional 240 calories. I am trying to choke down 2500 calories a day to keep from having to use the feeding tube. I have been told that I should require about that amount of calories to maintain my weight. So far the only thing that has gone through the feeding tube has been the water used to clean it out. It is important that I get as many calories as I can in as small quantity of food that I can. There is a supplement at Walmart that I will be buying tomorrow. It contains 360 calories which is 120 more than the other stuff. We are still waiting on our insurance company to decide whether they will pay for the special feeding tube supplement.
Anyway, I am certainly glad to be feeling a little more like holding my head up today. Whew!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

Yesterday afternoon was a complete wash out. I had less than no energy. I slept from about 8:00 last night until 8:00 this morning, sometimes in bed and sometimes in my recliner. I believe that I feel better today, but yesterday morning I felt pretty good too. We’ll see as the day progresses. I am down to the last day of taking my oral nausea medicine. I also started taking Motrin again today. That helped me so much with the last dose of chemo three weeks ago.
The severe constipation brought on by the chemo will have to be dealt with today. I am not looking forward to that,
The cable man will be here any minute to repair the cable to our tv room upstairs. That is where my recliner is and will make it easier.
The following poem describes what I witnessed yesterday. My eyeballs were hurting when it was all over.

Thanksgiving dinner is over,
and All of the table is clear.
My wife sits down in the rocker
And says that Christmas is near

She has a glint in her eye.
and I know why it is there.
She’s goes crazy with Christmas.
It happens this time every year.

Attic stair hinges get red hot.
She's up there nine times a day
Dishes come down from the attic.
The others will get put away.

Boxes of stuff in the kitchen!
Boxes of stuff in the hall!
She puts the tree together,
and decorates each and all.

I try to help but know better.
The best thing that I can do,
is to hide myself in the closet
until Mrs. Christmas is through!


I hang lights on the house front.
I want to hang them my way.
I start to voice an opinion
but it’s wise just to do it her way.


The dog stays in the distance.
He knows well not to come near.
Last year he stuck his nose in,
and a bell got stuffed up his rear.

He made a run for the back door,
but before he got the whole way,
He had lights hung around him…..
He was gone the rest of the day.

Soon to the mall she’ll be heading.
A shopping list stuffed in her purse.
She ’ll expect me to go also,
And fussing could make things worse

I will carry and walk behind her.
I will try hard not to complain.
My knees and ankles will hurt me.
I will quietly withstand the pain


I know well not to whine loudly
while following close behind
I know that Ol’ Mrs. Christmas
is about to go out of her mind.

What to get for young Carly?
Will Tatum like this new book?
Will Tyler like a baseball bat?……
She gets a dazed kind of look.




Home again to the kitchen.
Cookies and more she will bake.
She’ll tell me how her back hurts
and how her ankles do ache

But there is no time to stop now.
Many more things must be done.
She will be crazy til Christmas……
Ain’t we havin’ some fun?



I’m glad I’m a man at Christmas
I stand and I watch all amazed
I know that I couldn’t do Christmas
It takes a good woman ….always!
© Jan 2, 07 Tom Neiger

Friday, November 28, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

It is the second day after chemo. I feel like all I really want to do is lay down someplace. I slept twelve hours last night. All of that time was broken up in forty five minute increments by a dry mouth and throat. From 9:00 until 11:00 I was in my bed, but the rest of my night was spent in my recliner upstairs. I sleep better there because I can breathe through my nose better while sitting more upright. This helps keep moisture in my mouth a little longer. Right now, the dryness is the worst part.
We have been working to find the best method to tape the feeding tube to my chest and found that a pretzel design seems to work best. We aren’t using the tube yet, and won’t use it unless I get to a place where there is no other option. It is tempting though. I wouldn’t have to eat all of that noxious food. Breakfast this morning was scrambled eggs, half and half, ham, cheese and protein powder run through the blender. After a couple of tastes I put in a good bit of honey also. YUMMY! I must eat several times a day just because I can’t choke down enough of that foul tasting stuff at one sitting.
On the good side my spirits are pretty good. My throat is not bothering me which is very good and when the three or four days after chemo are gone I expect to be back on top again. In the mean time I just have to suck it up and take advantage of the Nap All You Want Program offered at this spa.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

I am starting to feel the effects of the chemo that I had yesterday. I am beginning to feel worn out. It will be worse tomorrow but not unbearable. I went to the church this morning to wash dishes during the big Thanksgiving dinner that is prepared and served free of charge, for the community, every year. My wife was a server. We took different cars as I didn’t know how long I would be able stay upright. Helping out and seeing friends took me out of myself. There were lots of hugs. That was good.
My mouth is terribly dry. I drink large quantities of water but it doesn’t help. There is a preparation that I use to lubricate my mouth but it only lasts a little while.
Chemo also causes severe constipation which is very unpleasant to deal with. Cancer can be humbling.
I got an email from an old friend. He also likes to write. He advised me to start writing some poetry again. I haven’t written much in the last year. I came up with the following poem. It was a cathartic exercise, and very emotional for me. I felt much better after writing it.

I am not the cancer within me.
I am a spirit.
I am a soul.
I am a father.
I am a grandfather.
I am a friend
I am a husband.
I am a brother
I am a child of god.
I am not the cancer within me.

I am not the cancer within me.
I love sunny days.
I love stormy days,
I love red birds at a feeder
I love reflections in puddles.
I love clouds.
I love being on the water.
I love the stars and moon.
I love all that nature is.
I am not the cancer within me.

I am not the cancer within me.
I love my wife.
I love my daughters.
I love my grandchildren.
I love my friends.
I love hugs.
I feel a great deal of love.
It abounds all around me.
I will never be the cancer within me!

Tom Neiger cr Nov 08

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

I had my radiation treatment at 9:45. And then had my 2nd round of chemo from 11:00 until 4:00. It was a long, boring day! One of the nurses in the chemo room had asked me last time if I had any music preferences and I told her that I liked classical music and especially liked adagio. She had an I-pod loaded and waiting for me when I arrived. All of the people who work in radiation and chemo are very compassionate, caring folks. I got hugs from the radiation ladies. I still feel fine and will still feel pretty good tomorrow. The two days after that will be lay around and sleep days. I don’t get nausea. I just get wiped out. They pump lots of anti-nausea medicine through the IV and I have anti-nausea pills to take for the next 3 days also.
Several community churches sponser a big Thanksgiving dinner for anyone who wishes to come. It is held in our church hall because our hall is larger than the others. I volunteer to wash dishes each year. I am going to try to do that again in the morning. Everything will depend on how I feel when I get up.
The massage therapist reminded me of something yesterday. She said that it is my body that sick. It is not me, the person who lives inside this body that is sick. I thought about that a lot today.
One day at a time.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

We had a busy day today. I had my radiation at 9:45, and then an appointment at 1:30 with the ENT doctor to see if anything could be done with the fluid build up in my ears. He wrote yet another prescription( I picked up 3 more today) and while I was there he hauled enough wax out of my ears to build a bee hive. But the best part of the day was at 3:30 when I had a full body massage at the cancer center in Newport News. I can have one of these a month free while undergoing treatment. WOW! I had never had a massage by a professional. It was fantastic! They almost had to pour me into the car afterwards.
Tomorrow is my 16th round of radiation, again at 9:45 and then my 2nd round of chemo which will take the rest of the day. I am not looking forward to it, but hopefully it won’t hit me any harder than the 1st round which simply knocked me down for about 4 days. There was no nausea simply exhaustion.
I am still trying to live one day at a time. I have been told by other folks who have gone through treatment that it will get rough but that it will be just a blip on the radar shortly. That BLIP Can’t come soon enough for me!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

I talked to the chemo doctor today about the pain that is beginning to get uncomfortable in my throat. I had to get up in the night and take a couple of teaspoons of the codeine and Tylenol mixture to sooth the pain. She told me that there were better pain medicines than that and wrote me a prescription for purcacetts ( probably spelled wrong). I have lost 7 pounds over the last week. I thought that I was eating enough, but I guess that I wasn’t. I haven’t eaten any cake, cookies, pie etc for over a week because everything tastes like crap so why eat it? I think this has caused the weight loss more than anything else. We talked to 2 dieticians today and they had some good suggestions. I was told by the chemo doctor that the average weight loss for people under going this treatment is 40 pounds. I don’t have that to lose.
Last nights dinner consisted of 2 slices of chicken breast, a scoop of mashed potatoes, some collard greens, a half cup of carrots, and a can of supplement all dumped in the blender and pureed. Pat almost gagged when she saw me pour the supplement in with everything else! As I said before everything tastes like crap anyway so why not mix it all up? Dinner was a very pretty greenish brown. That’s what it tasted like also, greenish brown!
Tomorrow, after radiation I will see the ENT doctor about the fluid in my ears. Hopefully he can drain them somehow. Then we go to the main hospital where I will get a full body massage which is a part of the total program. That does sound good.
I get my second round of chemo on Wednesday. Whooppee!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

I had my 13th radiation treatment today and talked to the doctor afterwards. I see him once a week. I told him about my sore throat and he took a look at it and told me that it was from the radiation and that it would get worse. He gave me a prescription for a mixture that I believed was called Clax. The druggist actually has to mix it up. It contains steroids and other medications that aid in healing. It does not treat the pain directly. I am still taking Tylenol extra strength for pain. I see the chemo doctor tomorrow and may have to see the doctor that installed my stomach tube as it is causing me some discomfort. I am afraid of an infection. I also will try to get a quick appointment with the ear nose and throat doctor to see if he can give me something to drain the fluid out of my ears. Wednesday I get my 2nd round of chemo. That knocked me down for about 4 days last time.
I am feeling a little down today. Pat is too. I am so sorry that she has to go through this. I believe that we are feeling down because of our weekend company leaving. We had other things to think about while they were here. God bless them for driving all of the way from Michigan to spend just a few days with us.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Oral cancer. My personal journey

My radiation appointment for Friday was cancelled. The machine broke down. My next treatment will be on Sunday at the normal time. My sister and brother-in-law have been visiting from Michigan and we have been out every day doing something. I feel pretty good and my attitude is good even though I am dealing with the cigarette ash taste from everything that I eat, and my ears are permanently filled with fluid. I get around the bad taste as well as I can by running everything through the blender so that all I have to do is swallow. Chewing leaves food in my mouth too long and almost makes me gag. Dinner tonight was cooked oat meal with peaches, prunes, and raisins all pureed in the blender. I simply gulp it down in big mouthfuls. I pureed some chicken and black bean soup for lunch and have had 2 bottles of Ensure today. I meant to get some protein powder today to add to the food mixture, but forgot. I will get some tomorrow. Last nights dinner was pureed mashed potatoes, peas, honey and beef gravy. Yum!! I mean UGHH!
A marina customer that I have gotten to know over the last few years called me from Florida tonight to find out how I was doing. It touched me. I can’t tell you how important that is. I know that some people won’t call because they feel that they don’t know what to say. I was one of those folks prior to this, but not anymore.
My daughter and three year old grandson came for a visit yesterday. He always makes me laugh. My stomach was sore from all of the laughing after he left. What a blessing he is!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

a mouth full of cigarette ashes! Ughh!

I had my 13th round of radiation today. I still feel really good physically except for the discomfort of the stomach tube which isn’t to bad. The really nasty thing is that my sense of taste is not only gone but it has been replaced with a mouth full of cigarette ashes. Everything tastes like cigarette ashes. I have been told that things will remain this way until well after the completion of treatment but most people get their sense of taste back again. I now know that I will be using the feeding tube often. We will order the supplements tomorrow. I plan on eating often throughout the day. I can’t choke down to much at one sitting because of the nasty taste, so I will eat a little bit at a time many times throughout the day.
I have been doing what I have been told to do. I drink plenty of water and take my medicine on schedule. One of the nurses complimented me today because I do what I am supposed to do. I told her that I couldn’t understand why anybody wouldn’t do what would give them the best chance, and she said that I would be surprised how many people don’t.
Dry mouth is really bugging me at night. I got an oral lubricant from the druggist today that is supposed to help. I will find out tonight.
My daily regimen consists of:
Brush teeth after every meal
Floss often throughout the day
Rinse mouth with special mouth wash during the day
Take meds on schedule
Keep doctor appointments
Drink lots of water
Rinse out stomach tube and change dressing
Take 1 MG of Atavin before bed, Sometimes I take another Ativan if I wake and can’t go back to sleep.
Rinse mouth with special mouthwash before bed
Brush teeth with flouride tooth paste before bed which I don’t rinse after brushing.
Set alarm so that I take Saligen at the prescribed time each night.
Have fun!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

feeding tube installed! Whooppee!

I had my feeding tube installed yesterday. I, for some reason thought that it would be no big deal. WRONG! We didn’t have a consultation with the doc before hand. So we didn’t know what to expect. We both thought that there wouldn’t be much to it.
The process begins with the insertion of an IV and the vein kept rolling which meant that she had to chase it with the needle. Can’t tell you how much I enjoyed that!!
Next I was wheeled into the operating room where the two docs told me what they were going to do. A nurse sprayed my throat with what tasted and felt like battery acid! I gagged and choked! Then she did it again obviously assuming that I hadn’t enjoyed it enough with the first spray! The IV was started but it never put me out. I got to enjoy the whole process. The tube with a light was slid down my throat, But the doc made a wrong turn and the tube started to go up the back of my nose which caused bleeding. {It is still swollen and sore today} The light finally arrived in my stomach and illuminated it so that the outside doc knew where to cut. The whole process took about ten minutes. I was placed in recovery until I got enough of my senses back so that I would be able to identify which one of the three women standing near my bed was my wife. I picked the right one on only the second try and was wheeled to the car.
So now I have a tube protruding from just below my sternum and it drains into a bag which is tucked into my underwear. This is really, really inconvenient! My stomach started cramping up on the way home. The doc had given me a prescription for Tylenol with codeine and we got that filled.
The rest of the night was spent trying to keep the bag from disconnecting from the tube. It got loose once and dumped some fluid on the dining room floor. My wife said,” Oh Goody!”
A heavy pad was placed on my side of the bed in case the tube came loose again. It did that at about 1:30 and I said the hell with this and threw the bag away and left the tube pinched off.
The other enjoyable thing was that I wasn’t able to eat from midnight Monday until day light Wednesday. I couldn’t even drink water. Today I am allowed broth and Ensure and other liquids. I did have a little squash soup which hasn’t affected me so far. Tomorrow I can eat what I want but since everything tastes like gray clay anyway I really don’t care.
A good friend took me for my radiation treatment today. It was nice to have someone other than my wife to talk to now and then. I took him into the radiation room so that he could see what it was all about. He watched as they attached my mask to the table. I don’t think that he wants any part of it!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

losing sense of taste

I haven’t written anything in a couple of days because I can’t get on line long enough to publish a post to the blog. There is a serious buzzing in the phone line and it slows down my internet so much that at times it disconnects me. The repairman is supposed to come out today between 1 and 7. It is five now and he isn’t here. I am going to try and post this anyway.
Saturday I began to lose my sense of taste. I can barely taste sugar but that is all. My sense of taste is almost completely gone now. Everything tastes like clay, and I have a metallic taste when my mouth is empty. I keep trying different foods but they all taste the same. I keep sugar free candy in my pocket and suck on that periodically.
I feel wonderful though. The effects from the chemo have worn off. I take a couple of Motrin when necessary, but that isn’t often. I also take Ativan at bed time to help me fall asleep. Pat and I went to church, out to lunch with friends, and for a very long walk yesterday and I had enough energy left over to wash the car.
Tomorrow I get my feeding tube put in place. I won’t be using it for some time I hope. I certainly don’t like the idea of it.
We talked to the dietician today also. We were under the impression that we would process regular food and run that though the tube. She says no. We will be using special formulas several times a day. It doesn’t matter to me. I can’t taste anything with or without the tube.
I still very much concentrate on today and the moment. I find my mind wandering into the future and call it back immediately. I can’t go there.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Motrin? The answer?

Wow! What a beautiful moon last night. Pat and I went outside to look at it for a while as the clouds drifted past. I was reminded of a line from the poem The Highwayman. “ The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas.” It surprises me how many times a line from a poem will pop into my head.
I was telling my sister today how I just don’t feel good. I don’t know how else to describe it. She asked me if I could take Motrin. She said that it took the edge off for her on days when she felt that way. I asked the chemo nurse if Motrin was okay for me to take under the present conditions and she said that it was. It did make a difference, at least for now.
I had my seventh radiation treatment today. I again got through it without Ativan.
I feel like I need a nap a couple times during the day, but can’t quite get my mind relaxed enough. The phone rings when I do fall asleep. I will try an Ativan tomorrow and see if that helps.
Pat had some things that needed doing this morning so a friend drove me in for my treatment. Today was picture day which adds about ten minutes to the ordeal.
It has been raining here all day. I dressed in my wet gear this afternoon and went for a twenty minute walk in the rain. It was beautiful with the wet leaves all over the road, and the light reflecting in the puddles.
I find that I am always restless. I am not a person who just lays around. I feel like I need to be accomplishing something and don’t have the energy.
One more treatment this week and then two days off.
GOODY!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Not a good one

Today was not one of the good ones. I didn’t sleep well last night for some reason, and that can make a huge difference. I felt sick all day long. Both of my inner ears are fluid filled and ring all the time, and my throat is starting to get a little sore from the radiation. A prelude of what’s to come no doubt. I just wanted to lay down but there were to many things to do. I had to have blood drawn at the chemo center and then radiation at the usual 9:45. So it didn’t matter how I felt. Things had to be done. Pat is doing most of the driving now. I get to gaze at the scenery for a while. I realized half way to the center that I had forgotten to take an Ativan which meant that I had to be attached to the table with nothing to calm me. Surprisingly I was okay. I have been taking different kinds of music with me. Today I took the sound track from Oh Brother Where Art Thou. A lot of old spiritual music there.
Today was also the annual meeting of the Chesapeake Bay Writers club at Warner Hall. I look forward to this event all year. There is a wonderful gourmet luncheon followed by a session where writers can read their material in a friendly competition if they desire. I skipped the luncheon because I didn’t know whether I would be able to taste anything and beside that I thought that I might not be able to stay mobile for too long of a period. Pat and I had lunch at Appleby’s instead. Two years ago I won the Rick Bailey award for humor. Last year I won the Rick Bailey award for humor and first place over all. This year I won the Bailey award for humor again! So even though I felt like crap something really good happened today. The bad part was that I was moving from 8:45 until 4:30 when all that I really wanted to do was crash. I don’t understand this chemo. Yesterday I felt a lot better than I did today. I thought that each day would get a little better. Maybe tomorrow will be one of the good ones. I have had six radiation treatments so far.
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal looked at the other and asked “Does this clown taste funny to you?” Sorry!!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

one more marble

I removed one more marble from the bowl this morning. Man they are going slowly! I had my fifth dose of radiation today. It is still very unsettling to have my head and neck secured to a table by a mask. There is absolutely no room for movement. Once again a half of a milligram of Ativin helped. I just hate to keep taking it everyday. I take a music CD with me each day and the nurses play it for me while I lay strapped to the table. It helps to relax me.
When the radiation first begins I say to myself,“ Kill it!” Then I lay there and try to think about far away things.
It amazes me how so many things that I took so seriously have taken a very back seat in my life. Getting well trumps every other concern.
I just wish that I could get my strength back. I am not used to having anything wrong with me other than the usual old age crap!
Tomorrow I will read one of my poems at the annual meeting of the Chesapeake Bay Writers. I am excited about that!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Thirty five colored marbles

I have kept a glass of thirty five colored marbles by my bed since starting the radiation. One marble for each radiation treatment. Each morning I remove one from the glass. I removed the fourth marble this morning. They are moving much to slowly!!!! I didn’t sleep well last night. The bloated feeling from the constipation kept me awake off and on all night. I took a couple of Ativan during the night to help me fall back asleep but they only worked for a while.
I had my radiation treatment at 9:45 this morning. I have found that I am much more relaxed during this procedure after taking an Ativan.
I talked with the radiation doctor after the treatment. He basically just wanted to see how I was doing, which is as good as could be expected. I am somewhat weaker than I was yesterday and believe that it is because of lack of sleep. I also talked to the chemo nurse who gave me some tips on the constipation problem.
I did some very light yard work today which wore me out quickly.
I Just woke up from a brief nap. I have difficulty falling asleep. I find that the cancer thoughts are always present even if just below the surface.
I was telling the radiation doctor how many people have told me that they too had suffered from cancer and have been cancer free for a long while. He said that cancer is just a disease. It doesn’t carry the same threats that it used to, and there are many happy survivors. I plan on being one!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

getting some strength back

Yesterday was a complete washout! I had less then zero energy. The good news was that I didn’t have to take anymore anti-nausea medicine. The hiccups were intermittent and bothered me a lot when they occurred. They haven’t returned this morning. Amen!
My daughter and the kids left in the late morning to drive back to Ohio. I crashed shortly after they left, and slept most of the afternoon. I arose about four and went for a very slow walk for about twenty minutes and was worn out again when I arrived home. We went to bed about 9:30 and I slept until 7:30 this morning.
My appetite is good, but constipation is a real problem that will have to be dealt with very soon!
My energy level is way up this morning compared to yesterday. We are going to go to church. Hopefully I will make it.
The sun is shining and the fall colors are as pretty as I have ever seen them here.
I feel some relief now that the treatment has started. The waiting and worrying was taking a toll on me.
It is back to radiation again on Monday. I won’t have chemo again until the day before Thanksgiving. What a happy Thanksgiving that should be!!

Friday, November 07, 2008

Third day after chemo! Ughhh!!

This is the third day after chemo. It sucks!! I have continual hiccups that are actually starting to hurt. Pat is picking up a prescription of Thorazine at this moment. Yesterday I went to radiation by myself. I didn’t feel very good but thought that I could handle the drive. Pat had given me a list of places to stop. I felt worse before I arrived home, and laid down. My daughter and three grandchildren arrived from Ohio late in the afternoon. I was glad to see them all. They keep my mind in the right place. Even though just watching them tires me out!
There was no way that I could get to radiation by myself today! I feel absolutely rotten! I am fatigued, bloated, light headed and generally weak. The anti-nausea drugs have done the job as far as keeping me from vomiting. I can keep food down but on the other hand I can’t get rid of it, hence the bloating. One of the anti-nausea drugs side effects believe it or not is that it can cause nausea. It just controls the vomiting. It is a three pill system and I took the last one today. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. I have also had indigestion and have been told to take Prilosec which I am doing.
So far the radiation is not causing me any pain which is very good.
Once again, One day at a time!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

chemo/radiation...frist day

I had my first radiation and chemo today. I had asked the doctor on the previous day if it would be okay for me to take an Ativan before coming in. I was told that it would be fine and so I took one. Thr Ativan made a significant difference. It calmed me down when the mask was applied. The radiation mask conforms tightly to my face when latched to the table. I can barely move my Adam’s Apple when I swallow. I also have the rigid mouth piece that is attached to the mask. This guarantees that I can move nothing from my shoulders up. The nurse did cut out eye holes for me which made me feel less confined. I can see where a claustrophobic person could have a bad time. The whole procedure took about forty five minutes. Ten minutes of that time was for photos of the affected area. It really wasn’t to bad. Pat watched from behind a window. She was impressed with the whole scene.
I felt no discomfort other than I was a little light headed from the Ativan.
The chemo treatment started immediately following the radiation. An IV was inserted into my left forearm, and blood was drawn so that my blood counts could be measured. They were okay. I will have my blood drawn once each week to insure that they don’t get to low. There are medicines as well as blood transfusions if necessary. I have donated 29 pints so I guess that I have earned a pint or two ( of blood that is). A bag of saline solution was run through the IV first. Shortly after that a bag of potassium solution was run through the IV. This took about two hours. Next a small bag of a steroid solution was fed through the tube. This was followed by a needle containing an anti-nausea medicine. I also had to take an anti-nausea pill at this time. The bag of chemo was then hung and was run through the IV. This took and additional two hours. I felt no discomfort during the whole ordeal. I did feel a little light headed after it was over and Pat drove home. I ate a big dinner and am feeling a little weak but am certainly not debilitated by it all
I received a prescription for another drug that I will be taking in a few moments. It is supposed to make my saliva glands produce more saliva. I will supposedly lose one saliva gland permanently and the other will be damaged but will probably come back to some degree. Hopefully this drug will forestall the loss. I have to take this medicine every eight hours faithfully for it to stand a chance of working adequately. One side effect could be severe sweating. I will have to decide if it is worth it.
I have two more prescriptions for nausea that I will be taking over the next three days and then I should be mostly through the severe nausea period.
All in all it wasn’t a bad day. I received several calls from friends and family members tonight. I can’t tell people enough how Pat and I appreciate those calls. They surely brighten up a day when we may tend to get to much into ourselves.
Live in the day! Better yet live in the moment. It is truly the only time that we have. Tomorrow we will deal with tomorrow! As we say in AA, “One day at a time.”

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

chemo and radiation to begin

I received a phone call at about 6:00 last night asking me to come in today (Tues) to have films taken of my neck. I was told that radiation and chemo would begin on Wednesday. I am more than ready to begin and yet nervous about all of it. I start projecting my thoughts into the future. I begin to think about all of the things that may happen. I have to immediately call myself back to the moment. I have gotten to be fairly good at that. I must live only in the moment. I must deal with today only. Tomorrow I will deal with tomorrow. I don’t want to let the ,”could happens.” of tomorrow steal the joy from today.
I have received several of my prescriptions in the mail, but am not sure when to take each one. I will take them with me today so that I can check everything with the doctors. I may also need to get more prescriptions before tomorrow. It is hard to keep track of it all. I have a pocket voice recorder that I carry everywhere with me. I enter questions as I think of them. I trust nothing to my memory anymore.
The swollen lymph gland in my neck has begun to cause some discomfort. The Ear Nose and Throat doctor told me some time ago that the swelling there would go down fairly quickly. I hope that he is right.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Halloween

Pat and I went to her mom’s house in Richmond on Thursday. I cut the grass that afternoon and then we washed windows for her on Friday. We left her mom’s place about 2:00 and went to my daughter Nancy’s place, in Chesterfield, so that we could trick or treat with my three year old grandson Will. He has decided that fire fighters are the coolest people in the whole world and has all of the gear to prove it. It was settled days ago that he would be a fire fighter on Halloween. That is until his other grandma sent him a policeman hat. He had to wear that too. So there he was, fire fighter from the neck down and cop from the neck up. We had a great time. It had been years since I had actually gone trick or treating. Will would walk up to a front door; Knock; and then say, “Trick or treating!” in his small soft voice. It was a joyous evening.
We called the radiation doctor’s office on Thursday to see if they had set up a time for the first radiation treatment yet. They promised to call back but never did. We did not have their phone number with us so we couldn’t call them. I want to get this thing started! It’s funny. I can forget for brief periods that I have cancer but it is never really out of my mind. I can not sleep without taking a Ativan. My mind will not stop racing even when I am not thinking about cancer. I read something that I really appreciated. I will share it.
What cancer can’t do
Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot cripple hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal the eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit