Oral cancer. My personal journey

I am starting to feel the effects of the chemo that I had yesterday. I am beginning to feel worn out. It will be worse tomorrow but not unbearable. I went to the church this morning to wash dishes during the big Thanksgiving dinner that is prepared and served free of charge, for the community, every year. My wife was a server. We took different cars as I didn’t know how long I would be able stay upright. Helping out and seeing friends took me out of myself. There were lots of hugs. That was good.
My mouth is terribly dry. I drink large quantities of water but it doesn’t help. There is a preparation that I use to lubricate my mouth but it only lasts a little while.
Chemo also causes severe constipation which is very unpleasant to deal with. Cancer can be humbling.
I got an email from an old friend. He also likes to write. He advised me to start writing some poetry again. I haven’t written much in the last year. I came up with the following poem. It was a cathartic exercise, and very emotional for me. I felt much better after writing it.

I am not the cancer within me.
I am a spirit.
I am a soul.
I am a father.
I am a grandfather.
I am a friend
I am a husband.
I am a brother
I am a child of god.
I am not the cancer within me.

I am not the cancer within me.
I love sunny days.
I love stormy days,
I love red birds at a feeder
I love reflections in puddles.
I love clouds.
I love being on the water.
I love the stars and moon.
I love all that nature is.
I am not the cancer within me.

I am not the cancer within me.
I love my wife.
I love my daughters.
I love my grandchildren.
I love my friends.
I love hugs.
I feel a great deal of love.
It abounds all around me.
I will never be the cancer within me!

Tom Neiger cr Nov 08